They say that best way to begin is with the first step. What they don't tell you is that every step after is going to feel like the first step still. That sometimes you are going to fall down and have to start again. That there will sometimes be huge lapses that make it feel like starting again is impossible. That you'll never make it.
It's demoralizing to look down and see that all of your hard-won changes are gone, because you stopped. It's heartbreaking to see how much you've fallen into your old patterns. It is infuriating to see yourself worse than you were when you took that first step.
So here I am again. I'm starting over. In January, I started to think about what I wanted with my life. I think we all do that, right? Not just in January, but through the general reflective process we start to think about where we are and where we want to be. I thought about it a lot. Everything I wanted came down to a simple phrase:
Be More.
I want to be more. When I am feeling frustrated with another human, I want to be more kind. When I am tired and lazy, I want to be more put together. When I am in a tough conversation with differences of opinions, I want to be more open and understanding. When I am faced with difficult financial decisions I want to be more financially responsible. When I have to decide if I want to eat that last piece of cake or I want to go for a run, I want to be more health-minded.
So here I am. Trying to be more. It's the end of February and I have to be honest, I need to be more accountable. Hence this blog.
Here's what I'm doing in this quest:
- Practicing patience with others. Being more direct and honest in my speech.
- Starting an instagram to help me with my health choices.
- Documenting. Being honest.
- Looking at how I can diversify my income, but maintain my time.
- Making plans.
Everything is a sketch right now, but we all have to start somewhere right?
